Kids do not typically come into foster care without a good reason. Usually, there is some sort of trauma in their past and possibly in there present too. How do you talk to a child that has come through such a journey of unknown pain?

Let’s just start by talking to them like they are people worthy of our time by listening to the stories they tell. 

The following is a story from one such moment. We weren’t seasoned foster parents when we ran into this moment. It was actually our first placement that shared this poignant moment with us.

Poignant Prayers

“Dear God thank you for not letting my new mommy and daddy die.”

This is the prayer of a two-year-old baby girl. Sitting for dinner as a family, we always ask our children, “who wants to say the blessing.” 

On this night our baby girl says “me, me, me.” 

I said “Everyone, quiet down and fold your hands. Were ready, go ahead baby girl.” 

I was so not ready for the words that she spoke or the look of hope in her eyes. For the fact that new mommy and daddy survived the day. 

That night as I lay in bed, I let my tears flow. I cried for the loss and pain my babies had experienced at such a young age at the hands of addiction. You see my babies lived a life full of trauma, they have a past that I cannot erase. Just because they are adopted now doesn’t make it disappear. 

Even after ten years, triggers will still raise trauma’s ugly head and we try to see it for the trauma that it is. I will not share here story here other than to say losing a parent is painful and for them and it was brutal.

My baby girl is 12 now and we still have conversations about death. Especially about my death, how much she will miss me, how long should she grieve, etc.… 

The loss of a parent, that she suffered at such a young age will haunt her for the rest of her life. It deeply wounds my heart. 

No parent wants their child to hurt, they want to take that pain and suffering away. I cannot change her past – it is woven into the fabric of her being. 

The only thing I can do is reassure her that as long as God allows breath in my body mom will always be here and my baby she will always be.

Just Talk

So, if you want to know how to talk to a foster child – the answer is just to talk. They are just like your kids. Sometimes they are funny and sometimes they hurt. Connect with the heart of a child and if you listen closely you may come away with the wisdom of a toddler!