When Amanda and I first started doing foster care we noticed that there were a lot of sibling groups compared to single kids that needed a home. As time went on, we fostered almost exclusively sibling groups.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I think back I can only remember about 3 of the 20 or so kids that we fostered that were kids in care by themselves. This can sound daunting to potential foster families, but I assure you that it is not as frightening as it may sound<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The idea of taking in a kid that is terrified about being taken away from their home may sound traumatic (and it definitely is), however having a sibling with them can be a source of comfort. We have seen this firsthand many times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Many of the sibling groups we have fostered have shown a remarkable ability to calm and comfort one another even at a surprisingly young age! Our very first case was a brother and sister pair. She was more verbal than he was even though she was a year and a half younger. He could talk, but due to some developmental delays, his speech was more difficult to understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I remember asking her if I had heard him right many times. Later on, during that particular case, he told us about being left in the basement with his sister all day while their grandpa left them at home all day while he was at work. He talked about comforting her and taking care of her (even though he was only about 3 years old at the time). They had already created that bond of protection at that age and it translated into them helping each other transition into yet another home as they became a part of ours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Another case we had involved a pair of brothers who had been separated from their older sisters. While the State had kept them together in pairs, the two pairs were in separate homes. This sounded counter-productive until we learned that the 2 teen sisters had become the primary caregivers at that point and were required to act like their brother’s moms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The separation was an attempt to let the teen girls develope as “normal” teens and the boys could learn to treat them as sisters. It was an intentional separation that was done to help their relationship grow in a healthier way!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The 4 kids had regular visitation with each other but they were allowed to find a more normative relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the case of a third placement we had, the kids were like night and day. One brother was a happy guy with normal attachments. His brother was more along the lines of a kid with Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD). While he was never tested for ODD in our home, I am certain it was something that was likely plaguing him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After they left our home they had been brought back into care and the State was struggling with finding a placement for them. As you might expect the little boy exhibiting signs of ODD was making it difficult to find a good home for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I talked to the Guardian Ad Litem (a court-appointed lawyer who advocates on the child’s behalf) one day and he was asking my opinion about potentially splitting them up. I was vehemently opposed to this idea since the only sense of permanency these kids had ever known was their brother being in their life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Guardian Ad Litem agreed with me and I was thrilled to find out that after my wife and I had suggested trying a placement with a family that we knew who wanted to adopt boys of that age, it had been a great fit and these 2 boys found their forever home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The foster care system is far from perfect. But, it is full of people who are trying to do the best thing for the most kids possible. Yeah, they are bogged down by rules and state regulations, but they do their best to find the best solution they can for every child or sibling group, whether that means keeping them together or, in rare cases, splitting them up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The real challenge that Children’s Division faces is trying to keep large sibling groups together. Unfortunately, when a sibling group of 5 or 6 kids come into care, it is not always possible to keep them together. We, as foster families and the workers, will always do our best to keep siblings together whenever possible!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"