{"id":563,"date":"2020-01-07T03:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-01-07T09:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jasonmpalmer.com\/?p=563"},"modified":"2020-01-04T23:34:37","modified_gmt":"2020-01-05T05:34:37","slug":"can-a-working-parent-foster-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/2020\/01\/07\/can-a-working-parent-foster-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"Can a working parent foster kids?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

There will be difficulties, conflicts, and challenges, and just like any other challenging task, it can be done. Working parents care for their own biological kids every day. The difference is that most foster placements have some specific needs that you will need to take into consideration.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Age matters when fostering!<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

No, not your age (mine is growing at an alarming rate).The age of the kids you are fostering will determine the amount of time you need to have free for caring for their daily needs. However, all kids will need you to make sacrifices in your schedule for them. If you are acclimated to taking a few golf outings per week, you may need to scale back your \u201cme\u201d time and find a way to create \u201cwe\u201d time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most of the kids who come into care need quality time with a positive role model. That means a time commitment, which you have obviously signed up for when you decided to foster in the first place. This is your place to shine. The role model you need to become does not mean you have another full-time job, often it is just a matter of modeling the behavior that you are already doing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most of the time just getting up and going to work on a regular basis is a foreign concept to them. Having a regularly planned bedtime that doesn\u2019t involve passing out after a drug or alcohol induces stupor is a new experience. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

These are the lessons you are unconsciously teaching to kids of all ages. 
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fostering Teens<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

When considering foster care you should already be thinking about the age of children that will best suit your temperament, skill set, and lifestyle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Teens require less attention on a daily basis to handle basic care. They are usually pretty good at being sure they bathe themselves and cover their basic needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tweens are going to be a little more intense but usually can handle a lot of the mundane tasks that the older crowd will handle by themselves. You may need to remind them that showers are not a luxury (why are boys of this age not able to smell themselves???) and that finishing homework is a necessity. In large part, they are becoming self-sufficient and don\u2019t require huge time blocks on a daily basis.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fostering Toddlers<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n
\"Professional<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

The younger they get, the more needs you are going to meet for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Toddlers are undergoing so many developmental changes that it is hard to actually quantify the amount of brainwork that is going on at any given moment; especially considering that even a normally developing 2-year-old seems to act like a serious alcoholic on any given day. Seriously, how many times have you had to remind a toddler that pants are a necessity to go outside and play in the snow?!?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Add in that children who are in foster care are at a much higher risk of having experienced some sort of trauma and the brain dysfunction that comes as a result of that trauma. There is current science<\/a> showing the damage that trauma causes for a child who has endured early trauma.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is going to take time and patience to work through. If you are going to become a foster home, be prepared to spend a bit more time dealing with issues related to trauma-related care. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

With the trauma-related stress comes trust issues, which when exacerbated can become problems as severe as Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All of this is not intended to scare you away from fostering toddlers. In fact, some of the most memorable experiences we have had were with kids in this age group. One of the tightest bonds we have develope was with a sibling group of 2 that was RAD diagnosed. It was an amazing adventure to have watched the change in these kids as they began to form appropriate attachments and develope in an age-appropriate fashion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, this all takes time and patience. You must be willing to sacrifice some of your time to the practice of giving normative life experiences to these kids. Most of us are wasting a LOT of time every day to mindless practices and have the bandwidth to achieve the necessary daily tasks to make a difference in the lives of children. It just requires us to take an honest inventory of where we invest and where we waste our time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fostering Babies<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n
\"professional<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Now let\u2019s talk about the babies! Everyone loves the babies! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ask any worker and they know the easiest kid to find a home for is an infant. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, admittedly there are a few outliers like my Dad that want little to nothing to do with anything in a diaper. But, by and large, babies are the easiest placements for social workers to find homes for. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t let yourself be fooled by their adorable little cheeks. Some unfortunate little souls get to deal with addiction and withdrawal as their first experience in this world. It\u2019s not all doom and gloom If you listen through the podcast \u201cStanding with Turtle\u201d<\/a> you will hear about a kid that came through addiction and withdrawal as an inspiringly healthy kid. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s kind of like getting a puppy. Everyone forgets how much work is involved in raising a puppy until they have a puppy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Babies are amazing, even when they have special needs or addiction issues to deal with. 
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Making it work<\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

The truth is that there are very few things that we can\u2019t make work in our lives. If you are pulled or led, or if you feel driven towards helping a specific group – you can make it work. I am not saying it will not be hard. Most likely it will not be \u201cMother Theresa ministering to the dying souls of Calcutta\u201d hard. Doing things that are worth doing are almost always hard, but the reason we do hard things is that it is <\/strong>worth it!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One little trick I have learned is to stop listening to people telling me what is important to them. People will tell you what they want you to think is important to them so you will be impressed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you want to know the truth about others, and more importantly, yourself; you need to look no further than your schedule and bank account.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you have no time or money to do something meaningful, so instead you sit on your couch watching ESPN 6 for hours on end – the answer is that you value the cable subscription and tv time higher than anything else. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That isn\u2019t a bash on tv time or cable subscriptions. It is just a simple and honest evaluation of how you value your time and money. Those two resources alone are the ones valued above all others. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be honest with yourself and decide where your priorities lay. If changing the world is not one of those, that is ok. It\u2019s all good, enjoy your life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If your soul begins to burn when you think of giving your strength to the collective \u201cweakest among us,\u201d and you are still sitting on the couch, I suggest you get about the business of doing what is meaningful to you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it is foster care, welcome to our crazy little clan. If not, go be amazing in the place you were meant to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Signature<\/figure><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The truth is that there are very few things that we can\u2019t make work in our lives. If you are pulled or led, or if you feel driven towards helping a specific group – you can make it work. I am not saying it will not be hard. Most likely it will not be \u201cMother Theresa ministering to the dying souls of Calcutta\u201d hard. Doing things that are worth doing are almost always hard, but the reason we do hard things is that it is worth it!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":570,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","libsyn-item-id":0,"libsyn-show-id":0,"libsyn-post-error":"","libsyn-post-error_post-type":"","libsyn-post-error_post-permissions":"true","libsyn-post-error_api":"","playlist-podcast-url":"","libsyn-episode-thumbnail":"","libsyn-episode-widescreen_image":"","libsyn-episode-blog_image":"","libsyn-episode-background_image":"","libsyn-post-episode-category-selection":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_use_thumbnail":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_use_theme":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_height":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_width":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_placement":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_use_download_link":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_use_download_link_text":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_custom_color":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-explicit":"","libsyn-post-episode":"","libsyn-post-episode-update-id3":"","libsyn-post-episode-release-date":"","libsyn-post-episode-simple-download":"","libsyn-release-date":"","libsyn-post-update-release-date":"","libsyn-is_draft":"","libsyn-new-media-media":"","libsyn-post-episode-subtitle":"","libsyn-new-media-image":"","libsyn-post-episode-keywords":"","libsyn-post-itunes":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-episode-number":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-season-number":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-episode-type":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-episode-title":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-episode-author":"","libsyn-destination-releases":"","libsyn-post-episode-advanced-destination-form-data":"","libsyn-post-episode-advanced-destination-form-data-enabled":"","libsyn-post-episode-advanced-destination-form-data-input-enabled":false,"libsyn-post-episode-premium_state":"","libsyn-episode-shortcode":"","libsyn-episode-embedurl":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4,18,16],"tags":[75,74,71,73,21,76,68,70,69],"class_list":["post-563","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adventure","category-foster-care","category-foster-parenting","tag-balancing-work-and-foster-kids","tag-balancing-work-and-kids","tag-foster-families","tag-foster-family","tag-foster-kids","tag-foster-placements","tag-working","tag-working-foster-parents","tag-working-parents"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":431,"url":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/2019\/12\/04\/why-foster-care\/","url_meta":{"origin":563,"position":0},"title":"Why Foster Care?","author":"Jason","date":"December 4, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"One of the things I remember the most from the first time we talked about getting our fostering license is the questions we were asked. People can be fairly blunt with their curiosity. The most common sentiment can be boiled down to the question: Why? What kind of legacy are\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Foster Care"","block_context":{"text":"Foster Care","link":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/category\/foster-care\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/Krysta.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":455,"url":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/2019\/12\/15\/what-does-foster-care-pay\/","url_meta":{"origin":563,"position":1},"title":"What does foster care pay?","author":"Jason","date":"December 15, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"I have been asked many times, \u201cHow much does foster care pay to the foster parents that take care of all of the kids in state care?\u201d And my favorite follow up question is always \u201cThey pay you pretty good for that, don\u2019t they?\u201d My wife and I were unaware\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Foster Care"","block_context":{"text":"Foster Care","link":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/category\/foster-care\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"sad boy","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/DSC_3366-scaled-e1576446167193.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/DSC_3366-scaled-e1576446167193.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/DSC_3366-scaled-e1576446167193.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/DSC_3366-scaled-e1576446167193.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/DSC_3366-scaled-e1576446167193.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/DSC_3366-scaled-e1576446167193.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":543,"url":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/2019\/12\/31\/what-is-the-reality-of-foster-care\/","url_meta":{"origin":563,"position":2},"title":"What is the reality of foster care?","author":"Jason","date":"December 31, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"I can only really give you the perspective of a foster parent, and my view of the experience. My experience has been almost exclusively with young children who would struggle to put a few sentences together. 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Each episode, sisters Natasha and Rachel bring you a deeply personal interview with a former kid in care,\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/Diverse-Foster-Care-Perspectives-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/Diverse-Foster-Care-Perspectives-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/Diverse-Foster-Care-Perspectives-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/Diverse-Foster-Care-Perspectives-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/Diverse-Foster-Care-Perspectives-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":675,"url":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/2020\/01\/14\/how-long-does-it-take-to-foster-to-adopt\/","url_meta":{"origin":563,"position":4},"title":"How long does it take to foster to adopt?","author":"Jason","date":"January 14, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"The process of adoption through the foster care system can be anywhere from fairly simple to time-consuming and complex.\u00a0 The short answer is that the foster to adopt process can take 6 months (plus the time for filing court documents), all the way up to 28 months if you are\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adoption"","block_context":{"text":"Adoption","link":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/category\/adoption\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/DSC_3505-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/DSC_3505-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/DSC_3505-scaled.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/DSC_3505-scaled.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/DSC_3505-scaled.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/DSC_3505-scaled.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":668,"url":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/2020\/01\/09\/what-to-say-to-a-foster-child\/","url_meta":{"origin":563,"position":5},"title":"What to say to a foster child?","author":"Amanda Palmer","date":"January 9, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Kids do not typically come into foster care without a good reason. Usually, there is some sort of trauma in their past and possibly in there present too. How do you talk to a child that has come through such a journey of unknown pain? 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