{"id":548,"date":"2020-01-02T03:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-01-02T09:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jasonmpalmer.com\/?p=548"},"modified":"2020-01-01T17:00:22","modified_gmt":"2020-01-01T23:00:22","slug":"are-they-adopted-and-15-questions-that-wound-young-hearts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/2020\/01\/02\/are-they-adopted-and-15-questions-that-wound-young-hearts\/","title":{"rendered":"Are They Adopted? &#8211; and 15 questions that wound young hearts."},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There are some things you should never ask people that you don\u2019t know. Questions like \u201care you pregnant\u201d are probably best left relegated to the realm of thoughts you just don\u2019t say out loud.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">As a foster or adoptive parent, you will hear people open their mouth and vomit ignorance all over with startling regularity!&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Listed below are some of the things my wife and I have heard and a few of the responses we have given. I will warn you, they may not all be nice\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Are they adopted?<\/strong> &#8211;  Nope, we kidnapped them. You have no idea what kind of trauma these kids may have experienced and the fact that our skin may not be a perfect match doesn\u2019t mean we are going to break their story down for you in Walmart. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Are they black?<\/strong> &#8211;  God, I hope so. If not, I lost my kids.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Are they all yours?<\/strong> &#8211;  Why do you ask? Are you in the market to buy? <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Whose kids are they?<\/strong> &#8211;   I wish I knew, they\u2019ve been following me for weeks! <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Where do they come from?<\/strong> &#8211;  You see &#8211; when a boy likes a girl\u2026. You look a little old to not know where babies come from <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>How many dads are there?<\/strong> &#8211;  Roughly speaking, 1 each. That\u2019s science! <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>You should keep your legs closed<\/strong> &#8211; I see you have had the \u201cbirds and the bees\u201d talk did anyone ever tell you about the \u201cmind your own business\u201d talk <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>If you can\u2019t afford to have kids you shouldn\u2019t be having kids (when using WIC to get formula<\/strong>) &#8211;  Why should I worry about it when your taxes can buy it for me? <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Close your baby maker.<\/strong> &#8211;  Ummmm\u2026.. I\u2019m not certain you know what you are talking about. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Are they your real children?<\/strong> &#8211;  Wait. You can see them too? I thought they were all imaginary! <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Are you their real parents<\/strong> &#8211;  Define what you mean by the word \u201creal\u201d <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>What\u2019s wrong with them?<\/strong> &#8211;  They have to put up with stupid questions all day. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Are they in foster care?<\/strong> &#8211;  Huh? Are you a cop? Did they issue an Amber Alert? What I meant to say was yeah\u2026. That\u2019s it. Foster Care. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>What did their real parents do to them?<\/strong> &#8211;  They created them. And I think they did a fine job of it. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>You must make a good paycheck off of all of those kids<\/strong>. &#8211;  Yeah, that\u2019s the only reason we do it. Everyone is getting rich off state jobs these days. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>What are they?<\/strong> &#8211;  Humans, of the small variety. You can find them in schools and parks on a nice day. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I hear your unkind whispers even when you think you are being discreet. It is aggravating at the moment and admittedly, most of the responses listed above are pieces of snark that I thought of just a minute too late to actually use.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I know that a few people are genuinely curious with good intentions and I want you to think about the questions you are tempted to ask and the unintended consequences. If a child is in foster care, do you think they want a random stranger prying into one of their most private and heartbreaking moments?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Questions about racial or ethnic backgrounds are just unnecessary. They serve no purpose other than to assuage your curiosity. Unless you are a census worker, let\u2019s just leave those alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">These are some of the crazy things we have heard. But, to be fair, we have had a lot of kind and loving comments about being blessed with an abundance of kids. We have even had offers to hold doors or help when we are trying to navigate 2 grocery carts to the car with 6 kids.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We help kids in the roughest moments of their life because it is our passion. We know that if there is no one to give love and support to the young innocent souls, their chance of becoming addicts and criminals is astronomically higher.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I don\u2019t want your praise for what we are doing. I just want you to see at-risk youth as an opportunity, not an object your judgmental musings in public.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Show some compassion. Give some love. Be supportive of others. And most of all &#8211; think before you start asking questions. If you can do that, we would love to have you join us in our mission of \u201cProviding Strength for the Weakest Among Us.\u201d<br><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There are some things you should never ask people that you don\u2019t know. Questions like \u201care you pregnant\u201d are probably best left relegated to the realm of thoughts you just don\u2019t say out loud.&nbsp; As a foster or adoptive parent, you will hear people open their mouth and vomit ignorance all over with startling regularity!&nbsp;&#8230;<a class=\"read-more-link button\" href=\"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/2020\/01\/02\/are-they-adopted-and-15-questions-that-wound-young-hearts\/\">Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":553,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","libsyn-item-id":0,"libsyn-show-id":0,"libsyn-post-error":"","libsyn-post-error_post-type":"","libsyn-post-error_post-permissions":"true","libsyn-post-error_api":"","playlist-podcast-url":"","libsyn-episode-thumbnail":"","libsyn-episode-widescreen_image":"","libsyn-episode-blog_image":"","libsyn-episode-background_image":"","libsyn-post-episode-category-selection":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_use_thumbnail":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_use_theme":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_height":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_width":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_placement":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_use_download_link":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_use_download_link_text":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_custom_color":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-explicit":"","libsyn-post-episode":"","libsyn-post-episode-update-id3":"","libsyn-post-episode-release-date":"","libsyn-post-episode-simple-download":"","libsyn-release-date":"","libsyn-post-update-release-date":"","libsyn-is_draft":"","libsyn-new-media-media":"","libsyn-post-episode-subtitle":"","libsyn-new-media-image":"","libsyn-post-episode-keywords":"","libsyn-post-itunes":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-episode-number":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-season-number":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-episode-type":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-episode-title":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-episode-author":"","libsyn-destination-releases":"","libsyn-post-episode-advanced-destination-form-data":"","libsyn-post-episode-advanced-destination-form-data-enabled":"","libsyn-post-episode-advanced-destination-form-data-input-enabled":false,"libsyn-post-episode-premium_state":"","libsyn-episode-shortcode":"","libsyn-episode-embedurl":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[63,18,16],"tags":[64,56,19,65,66],"class_list":["post-548","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adoption","category-foster-care","category-foster-parenting","tag-adoption","tag-foster","tag-foster-care","tag-questions","tag-questions-about-kids"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2117,"url":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/2022\/05\/01\/dave-thomas-foundation-for-adoption-with-rita-sorenon\/","url_meta":{"origin":548,"position":0},"title":"Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption with Rita Sorenon","author":"Jason","date":"May 1, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Rita Soronen is the President & CEO of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, which has just commissioned a Harris poll to survey Americans about their attitude towards adoption.\u00a0 \u00a0 While more than half of adults in the U.S. (67%) agree that every child is adoptable, many remain wary of\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/1500-Rita-Sorenon.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/1500-Rita-Sorenon.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/1500-Rita-Sorenon.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/1500-Rita-Sorenon.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/1500-Rita-Sorenon.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":677,"url":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/2020\/01\/16\/benefits-of-adopting-a-child-through-foster-care\/","url_meta":{"origin":548,"position":1},"title":"Benefits of adopting a child through foster care","author":"Jason","date":"January 16, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Here are a few of the financial benefits of adopting a child from foster care. But, before anyone gets confused I want to clarify a few things. Foster care is not a place to make money! In some other countries, it is considered a job that you are paid to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Adoption&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Adoption","link":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/category\/adoption\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2016,"url":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/2021\/12\/06\/success-after-international-adoption-with-jonathan-joseph\/","url_meta":{"origin":548,"position":2},"title":"Success After International Adoption with Jonathan Joseph","author":"Jason","date":"December 6, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"I am an international adoptee from Colombia who was adopted at 9 months with Ataxic Cerebral Palsy. My story is one of perseverance and the power of adoption to not only change lives but also highlights some of the traumas\/struggles inherent in being an adoptee even when things go \u201cright\u201d\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/Jonathan-Joseph-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/Jonathan-Joseph-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/Jonathan-Joseph-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/Jonathan-Joseph-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/Jonathan-Joseph-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1974,"url":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/2021\/10\/23\/jennifer-ashers-adoption-journey\/","url_meta":{"origin":548,"position":3},"title":"Jennifer Asher&#8217;s Adoption Journey","author":"Jason","date":"October 23, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0My website is www.journeytomydaughter.com.\u00a0 I can be found on all social media by searching Jennifer Rose Asher.\u00a0 I am listed under this name on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, and I think I am the only one with this name.\u00a0 You can also get to my website with the address www.jenniferroseasher.com.\u00a0\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/jennifer-Asher-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/jennifer-Asher-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/jennifer-Asher-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/jennifer-Asher-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/jennifer-Asher-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2185,"url":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/2022\/07\/24\/how-to-do-adoption-well-with-spring-gray\/","url_meta":{"origin":548,"position":4},"title":"How To Do Adoption Well with Spring Gray","author":"Jason","date":"July 24, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Spring Gray was adopted at birth. She lived through the experience of an abusive adoptive mother and eventually found her biological mother and learned the truth about her adoption. Foster Care: An Unparalleled Journey Find All Our Links Here https:\/\/linktr.ee\/fostercarenation Merch! http:\/\/tee.pub\/lic\/RwiARsuuDHs Call the Voicemail Line 413-foster 3 (413) 367-8373\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"how to do adoption well with spring gray","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Spring-Gray-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Spring-Gray-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Spring-Gray-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Spring-Gray-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Spring-Gray-1500.png?fit=1200%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":675,"url":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/2020\/01\/14\/how-long-does-it-take-to-foster-to-adopt\/","url_meta":{"origin":548,"position":5},"title":"How long does it take to foster to adopt?","author":"Jason","date":"January 14, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"The process of adoption through the foster care system can be anywhere from fairly simple to time-consuming and complex.\u00a0 The short answer is that the foster to adopt process can take 6 months (plus the time for filing court documents), all the way up to 28 months if you are\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Adoption&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Adoption","link":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/category\/adoption\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/DSC_3505-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/DSC_3505-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/DSC_3505-scaled.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/DSC_3505-scaled.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/DSC_3505-scaled.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/DSC_3505-scaled.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pbv0Lz-8Q","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/fostercarenation.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/woman-wearing-green-sweater-3214199-scaled-e1577911897753.jpg?fit=2560%2C992&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/548","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=548"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/548\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":556,"href":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/548\/revisions\/556"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/553"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=548"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=548"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fostercarenation.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=548"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}