Heather’s story of trauma began at birth. Being born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome was only the beginning of her struggles that have followed her through life. Even through multiple diagnoses, she has managed to find her way to work on her abuse and neglect both in her biological family and in foster care. Today she has overcome more than most of us will experience in our entire life!
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Surviving Abuse in and Out of Foster Care with Heather
Heather’s story of trauma began at birth. Being born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome was only the beginning of her struggles that have followed her through life. Even through multiple diagnoses, she has managed to find her way to work on her abuse and neglect both in her biological family and in foster care. Today she has overcome more than most of us will experience in our entire life! She tells her story of tribulations and becoming an overcomer!
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Links to find Foster Care: An Unparalleled Journey
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Hello, and welcome back to foster care and unparalleled journey with Jason and Amanda. Today, we’re here to talk with Heather. I met Heather somewhere on Facebook or maybe Instagram or something like that. You lose track of that stuff when you get old and you have a lot of kids and they take away your brain and you don’t have memory left anymore.
But Heather reached out to me and, or I reached out to her one of the two and we talked a little bit and I went, wow, you’ve got a story to tell you have a story to tell. And so I wanted to bring you on here today and let you tell your story to the world because I mean, well, we’ll get into all the details of it, but it’s quite a story and you’ve really made something of yourself coming out of it. And that’s one of the things that I’ve always wanted to make certain that we do with this. We’re not here to, to, to just sell somebody’s tragedy. As a matter of fact, you know, our real hope here is that we can puddle some hope out to the masses.
We can show people that there is a hope worth finding. And I think that’s what your stories has to tell us today. How are you doing today, Heather? How are you guys doing awesome? Hopefully there’s not too much noise in the background because I have a five-year-old too, I think is throwing a fit on the other side of that wall right there. So if it’s too loud that it’s, I’m sorry, but this is real life. And we have a lot of real kids. So hopefully the noise isn’t, doesn’t get too bad. If so, we’ll have to go duct tape them to a wall or something, you know, duct tape. They’re useful for that.
So, Heather, I know you, you said that you were in foster care, you came in at a very young age.
So I went into foster care at the age of one with my sister who was two at the time or free, but I was one. And before I went into foster care, I was first of all, let me backtrack. So I was born to an alcoholic mother who has an addiction to alcohol. And I think has because you still have it. I was born with fetal alcohol syndrome.
Alcohol exposure during pregnancy can be harmful to the brain of a developing baby and may result in fetal alcohol spectrum disorders. How this is going to tell some of the story that she experienced because of that exact thing.
For those that aren’t aware of what that is. Basically, she drank heavily while pregnant with me. And therefore I have a piece of my brain. That’s the thing that affects the memory portion. So fetal alcohol room is a brain injury, not a mental illness. I’m just going to clear that out of the air. Cause a lot of people think that it’s a mental illness and it’s actually a brain injury. So my birth mom was a very abusive, abusive, not only to me and my sister, but to my own biological father who was the victim to her as well.
And then at the age of one, he went into foster care
While it is a common misconception that most kids enter foster care at a very young age. The average age of kids who enter foster care is eight years old and only about 10% of them independent group home. Most of them end up living in a family situation.
I don’t recall really like what happened? I have paperwork and the fit was, she had been drinking or she had hurt one of us. That was the gist of it fit from there. I was in foster care for eight and a half years. And in those eight and a half years, I had about 10 homes roundabout at each home, except the last one was very, very abusive, physically abusive, sexually abusive, verbally abusive, mentally abusive, all aspects.
And in those eight years, the judge was, I believe in my opinion, way too lenient and gain weight, but basically gave her ultimatums like, get your act together, or this is what’s going to happen. She would get her act together for a certain amount of time and they’d let me go back then something would happen. And then out again, and the reason why we moved from home to home, why there was because my birth mom would literally get in the car, drunk, driving, chasing us down the road, breaking into these people’s homes, trying to get us shoot either grabbed my sister, who’d be behind or vice versa or she’d grab a boat.
She would try to break into windows. He would just, it got to the point where a lot of the moms, the moms would call and say, Hey, they have to go. Who’s becoming too much. You know, the mother is very volatile and you don’t feel safe with her showing up at our door. So if that’s what she would do, she would literally like follow the caseworker to the house, like stalker like very, very violent to the point where even police officers would have to find him through a bedroom window.
So those are just some of the lesser of the evil events, but the more painful one, there were times where basically my birth mother would hit my sister and leave me. And then the abuse at home. And I didn’t know where my sister was probably two and a half weeks in that home. I was molested and raped and not home. I was sadly in that home for an extra three months because DCF refused to take out a DCF was called.
The cops were called. The cops did not believe us. My sister DCF can really buy it. And they did absolutely nothing so that the whole different, like my race with DCF is gone with them on a different topic and a different level because of that. But eventually I was removed from that hole because they called and were just like, Hey, you know, my wife is dying. You can’t take her anymore. So that’s the gist of the whole situation of why we were in so many homes.
It was because my birth mom was abusive. She would grab us, kidnap us, hurt us. There was even another incident where we were in a car. There’s a car behind us. My birth mom was behind that car. She was drunk. She hit us and I will come to my sister through the windshield and not moving. So these are very traumatic events that happened. And then there was another incident when I was five years old on Christmas, where there is money exchange between my work mom and her brother-in-law.
And I ended up being great on that date. So there’s a lot of events as to why I was permanently removed from my birth mom, her rights were eventually taken. They ended up taking her rights away because she basically refused the teacher chose her Dixon overall. And that ended when I was probably, that was the last time I’d seen my dad for, for a certain time, but that was the last time I was ever going to see my birth mom.
And then from there, I, when I was eight and a half, I was adopted by my aunt. My dad’s sister
In most States family has given preference over foster homes because they believe it is best to keep a child with a biological family member, which is often the case, but not always as Heather’s going to tell them
Who I wholeheartedly believe that her heart was in the right place and that her intention was good. I, I never questioned that and I never questioned her heart as far as like she wanted the back and she wanted us out of the situation and she wanted us to be able to say my sister and she wanted to be able to still have contact with our birth dad, to be able to go see him talking to him on the phone and have some kind of a relationship with him.
Even though we were moving from Maine to Connecticut. Maine is where I was in foster care, Connecticut, where I ended up living for 21 years. So even though there was this big distance casinos, my aunt really wanted people in the family. So we could have that really with my father and while that was honorable. And while that she may have meant well by that, and I believe her heart was in the right place. She actually was the one that ended up causing more damage on.
She ended up being physically abusive, spiritually abusive. I ended up being raised in a cult for in one year and the getting it wasn’t like that, but it got worse in my teen years where I was molested by one after from the ages of 13 and my aunt just, that was her way of dealing with my first. She thought I would have, but they weren’t.
I was having an emotional breakdown. No, I didn’t have the skills to cope with a lot of it. I just moved into this house that I knew nothing about I moving date. I knew nothing about I would taken out of counseling. I was, you know, moved previous home that I had been with for three and a half years where I was finally safe. And so all of a sudden I’m moving to the Corrine land, so to speak where I didn’t know, I didn’t know anybody. I only knew my aunt. I only knew you don’t mind.
Uncle helped. And my sister and I didn’t have anything comforting. I didn’t have anything there that was peculiar to me. So I thought that I was telling her, so of course I was freaking out. So of course I was having meltdowns because where’s my dad. Like, why can’t I see my father? Like where is, you know, why didn’t you think all the way over here, dealing with those? She thought we’re having spiritual, spiritual knew this needs to be dealt with after.
And of course I’m going to spare everyone details, but my aunt had been confronted on the issue and it’s not good, but it, it didn’t go well. And sadly <inaudible> where it ended. But then 21 year when I was 21, she went on a rampage of just thinking I sin thinking, I had committed this horrible sin of domination poultry, and not to make light of anyone’s beliefs or not to put upon or anything.
But I’m sorry. I don’t even know. Like, I don’t even know what the word means. I don’t understand what’s in the Balmain 21 with a brain injury, with a learning disability. What’s that? I don’t know what that word means. I don’t know what orientation means. I don’t know what abomination is. So I’m being accused, all these things doing, but what am I doing? So she ended up leaving me homework in a home, in a hotel for three nights in Boston and Cambridge, Massachusetts, actually not coming back to my house.
You’d gone on your knees, adamant about I’m the blue pen to paper weight, because supposedly I was doing abominations and I just calmed down and pretended to have my act together just to get home. I walked out like this, get me out of here. And then they were, I couldn’t get home. She didn’t want any of my stuff in house. She didn’t want really, she didn’t want me now, but she didn’t want to leave her alone house. And there was a night where I was in the kitchen and I was actually parked with my birth mom at the time, telling her what was going on.
Like, you know, Hey, like typically out of school, like, I don’t know why, like she thinks I’m doing things again. Like I’m not following their beliefs or their goals. So I long in a little bit, I became suicidal.
According to research at a study at the university of South Wales, suicide attempts are three times more likely by people who have experienced child sexual abuse and two and a half times more likely by people who experienced physical abuse as a child,
I grabbed the Booker knife and held it to my throat. And that was the end of it. And she ended up calling the cops. Cause at one point I pointed them at her. Never, never texted her to scare her, to be like, Hey, look, I’m trying to get your attention. I’m telling you, I’m being triggered. I’m being retraumatized freaking. And that was the point where I go to my room. And next thing you know, I hear hounding on the front door.
She had called the call, told the cops that I had brought the knife to my room, which was not true at all. Next thing I know they’re barging into my room. They’ve got an office, got my hands behind my back for someone traumatizing, especially when they don’t do what’s going on. Like when they’re already traumatized. And so I was trying to hide it. I was trying to get no problem crying. I just, I just wanted be done.
So the, so she was basically the gist of it was two ways you can go willingly. Well, we can now. So of course I was like, please get out of here. Like, I’ll go. And then from there I was on 48 blocks in a psych ward in the hospital. I was fine. After 24 hours, the next day I’m ready to be discharged. So the social worker comes in, brings like you’re ready to call her. I hear few.
Well, lo and behold, my aunt was like, no, I told you you’re done. You’re not welcome back to my house. The Lord told me that you’re not coming back to my house and you’re on your own. So basically he saying the Lord told her Homeland rich on a side note here, please. Somebody that reads their Bible, please tell me where it says, it’s okay to do that. Please tell me where it could read my Bible.
I’m pretty sure. Yeah. I was going to say, I don’t recall reading that most specifically, parents where your children homeless or, you know, that’s getting back to the, to the grade in all seriousness. So she came and picked me up because the social worker had some very colorful words to say to her. And basically like, you have to come get her, you could do this paper, your friend, or homophobic that my first time experiencing homeless, Connecticut
Among former foster youth with known outcomes, 36% become homeless. At some point
I was drug dealers, drug abusers. I knew people. I didn’t know. And at that time I was still in contact with my birth mom and no one was helping me. My birth mom agreed to come yet. So I had met my birth mom, but the first time when I was 21, it wasn’t, it wasn’t, it. Wasn’t what I thought like, yes she <inaudible>, but I didn’t get the answers that I was wanting and I’m going to have to backtrack.
I chaired. But she ended up smelling. When she came to get me, she smelled about the hall looking back right now. I’m like, Eric, that was the wrong move. I should gone along with it, but I didn’t. But my emotions were everywhere. It wasn’t thinking clearly $5 to my name, nowhere to go. So she was saying, he said, so I went over there and at first she smelled like alcohol and get it back to me. And within a week of being with her, she felt is me from there, I will, I will work for about a week to backtrack.
I first had contact with microphones. So from the age of 16 to eight, communication had been reopened to my birth mom, actually from my oldest, from my bottle of who was in foster care with, she had opened that sadly it opened a can of worms for me, but at the same time I needed to have questions answered. And so for my more like arguing my birth mom, for me, it was, I need to like, I’m wanting to, I had a letter I had wrote down on the list of all our work on, on paper, no list of questions.
Why did this, why did you do this? Why did you do B? Why didn’t you do w X, Y you know, and I know my aunt has done it and I know that that was hurtful, but at the same time, like, listen, I’m not trying to hurt you. I deserve, I deserve an explanation. Maybe not so much in a hall, in a mall, but maybe some ownership. And that’s really all, I’ve been wanting ownership and, and still kind of really struggle right now.
Like as much as I know, like I’ll never get that. I’ll never get it. Cause he’s still an alcoholic probably back to her dad, but a little girl with me with like the Nepal here. And so I wrote her, these letters, basically the letters came back. She came back with responses of who must be remembering something that in foster care you were with me at the time that never happened or trashing my father or tracking his side of the family or blaming blaming foster care.
And while she had valid points, yes. Part of it was foster care. Part of it was easier. However, why am I in foster care? I’m in foster care because like, don’t put it on my father. Don’t put it on my grandparents. That’s not their fault. You know, you have choices. You’ve made this place and that’s what she’s doing now. And then for I’ve exchanged maybe four or five letters back and forth.
And then on my 18th birthday, she sent me a gift so to speak. And that was it more or less of, I miss you. You’re always going to be my baby girl. And I remember this was not wanting to focus a little now, but not wanting to take ownership or acknowledged or talked about what had happened was really, I had a relationship with her from 2000 is when everything happened at the hospital on and off.
And then that’s when everything just stopped tight. My sister wrote her a letter and was like, we’re done. You’re not owning anything that you’ve done. Basically defending me. I sit there and others, the way she is, you gave her feet. She’s trying to impress you how you feeling. And it’s gotten to the point where now you push one too many buttons. So yes, now she’s freaking out. And now she’s having a temper tantrum, so to speak really, if she’s having muscle breakdown.
And so that’s her way of responding and she doesn’t know any better. So we’re not talking to you. We don’t want to hear from you, you own up to your mistake. So I haven’t heard from her a lot from, I heard from her two years ago, when my dad died, he passed away two years ago. And the day after he died, she somehow found out which I’m not surprised she would. It’s the town that she’s in Maine is a small state. So the town that I was born in, the town that she lives in, it’s very small.
And there’s only one family of last name. Everybody knows our family. And she sent me a message basically saying, I’m sorry to hear about your father, but I know you don’t want, if you ever need talk, I’m always here for you. And I’m just kinda like you just, you, where was this? You know, 30 years ago, 41 years ago, you know, we’re carrying, then we’re wanting to be in my life then, like I never responded, but I don’t talk to her now
So that’s the gist of my story. I kinda jumped around, but I try to stay on track for the most part. But that’s, that’s my story. That’s the story.
What a ride. Wow. There’s a lot there. Wow. I’m just, I’m trying to decide where to start and you know, what do I say and how, how early do you remember? You know, how you, I’m sorry, how young do you remember your experience? I mean, obviously you probably don’t remember,
I’m remembering things two years old, believe it or not. And I know that that controversy, cause a lot of people will say, well you’re too. And your brain hasn’t evolved, but you kind of remember things. There are certain things you do remember. So I, I started remembering some things remembering at the age of two. And then at the age of three, that’s kind of when like everything just full fledged, it all went down. 00:23:073 What kind of memories did you have at, at two
Mo mostly like my birth mom and drinking, going back and forth to mom’s house or dad picking me up, spending more time with my grandparents on his side than my dad, my birth mom. Why more kind of like, where’s my mother. Like, why can’t I be around her? Kinda like mainly memories of being with my dad’s side of the family. 00:23:441 Like not, that was a bad thing for me.
I’m not complaining about that, but just curiosity, like what’s going on confusing really \
Well. You mentioned your dad. Why was your dad not able to, to take care of you?
So he, I might get emotional. So I apologize. So they, they did tell him the DCF workers did say, you know, you have the opportunity here to step up and be a dad and do this. However, these are the rules. These are what were, these are the expectations. And as you know, CCF has a whole list of expectations and you have to jump through hoops and those hoops where he had to find a three bedroom apartment and he had to have a job that was done to provide.
And he was formed with a disability. And I don’t recall the name of the disability or what he has, but it was hard for him to find work. He had to get a three bedroom apartment because they wouldn’t let me and my sister share a room. We had to have separate rooms. If you’re going to be living, you know, if you’re going to be having your daughters need their own room, I guess they were concerned of sexual abuse that could happen, which he never did. He was never, he was never physically violent with me. He was never sexually abusive to me. He was not present.
He would be physically in a room, but just not there when I was older. So he had the opportunity, any try. He did try several times, you know, Hey, like, and I know like my grandmother tried to help him too. Like, Hey, like we’ll, we’ll look for, let’s look for an apartment. Let’s find you something. I mean, it didn’t end up working for him or he couldn’t, he just couldn’t do it. It was, he gave up, he gave up and that’s where my anger part comes in.
I wish back in the eighties, I know there probably wasn’t a lot of resources and it’s like, I wish maybe if he, I keep thinking like maybe if he hadn’t had more resources, more help, more help from the state, instead of just throwing this all, like, this is your responsibility. And yet, while they should have helped them out a little bit more, and I think he was feeling stressed about it and just realized like, I can’t do this, like on my own as a single dad, it’s hard. So yet even if he tried, I was, he had, had tried harder because even after I was adopted and even after I was living with my aunt, there were opportunities where he could have stepped up in other ways.
It’s interesting. Cause he, he never really talk. It’s always asked, reaching out to him and or it was my aunt telling him like, okay, well it’s Heather’s high school graduation. It would mean a lot for her be there used to be there. So he came, but he only do things if he was told or suggested that you show up. So he didn’t really want much to do with me as sad as that is. And it was because I reminded him too much of foster care. That pain was too much. And while I have, well, I had compassion and understanding for that.
It destroyed me in the end because all I wanted was to have a relationship. He never really had that connection of talking. He was just very quiet. He would, yes. I saw him every Christmas. That was amazing. Like my aunt would drive us back to Maine every Christmas, Christmas every year. And that’s well and great. But there was still that connection missing. Right. We would sit in the living room and watch TV like, Oh, that’s great, dad. I can watch TV anytime, but I’m here visiting you.
Like, let’s talk like, let’s go do something. Don’t just sit there and read a newspaper. And I think that’s how, it’s his way of coping with it. But then when everything went down with my aunt, like, I feel like that when I wish he would have stepped up. Cause that was, that was a beautiful opportunity. That would have been a beautiful opportunity. It was a beautiful opportunity for him to step up and do something.
Whether it was, you can stay here with me until you can get a job or let me give you some money. So you have, you know, something to eat, anything. It would have been, the gesture would have made a lot of it would have done a lot. And though he defended me and all he said, you know what she did wasn’t right. He never actually defended me to her. He never actually said to her, what you’re doing is not okay.
I’m not okay with what you did to my daughter. Like, so that was the hurtful part of it. But in the end he, he chose his other family. He chose my half sister. He chose my step mom. I flew out twice to see him before he died. And my stepmom really wouldn’t let me be alone in the room with him, which was very frustrating because my whole intent of going to make my peace with my father was I just wanted him to know that I didn’t hate him.
Then I, I went through a stage where I hated him when I was angry with him. But I wanted him to know like in that moment, like, I don’t hate you. Like you were put in this horrible situation, crappy situation and it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t our fault. You know, it’s hurtful, it’s our mother’s fault and I’m not angry at you. And I know you tried. I just, like, I just wanted him to know that, you know, but I never actually really got to say that, got to be alone with him.
But the last trip I made up was he was going to my grandparents’ house on his side of the family, which is where he was living. I just walked in. I was like, Hey, I’m at granny’s house now for grandmothers. Cause my step mom just made it into her own and it didn’t feel welcoming and just wanted to see my dad. And you know, we talked and I asked him how he was feeling and just, I felt helpless cause I wanted to take care of him the way he tried to take care of me.
But I didn’t sorry. So last time with him. So we, the social worker was there and she was talking to me and just looking at her like, yeah, I know who you are. I’m not stupid, but she was just doing her job.
And so he eventually got tired and went to go lay down. And so I got up to give him a hug. He literally helped me for a good five minutes. And that was the last. That was it. That was, there were no words exchanged. And I don’t know if that’s how it was supposed to be. I’ll never know. But in that moment it was like, I finally felt safe again. And so that he ended up passing away two days later, which I didn’t go, I didn’t go to service cause I couldn’t afford another $800 to fly out and they didn’t really do much.
Yeah. It’s expensive. And so I really didn’t have much, I don’t want to be around family who don’t want me. So that was sorry. 00:31:540 You’re totally fine. I, I lost my own father about what it’s been six years, five and a half years ago now. Yeah. And lost him to cancer. I understand the struggle. It’s it’s not an easy topic to talk about.
Yeah. 00:32:110 Your father’s disabilities were just too overwhelming.
Yeah. I think that, that was part of the issue. And back then, they didn’t have probably have a lot of the resources that they do now for people with disabilities. I know here in Tennessee, they advocate very strongly for disabled children, disabled adults. And there’s great programs. Same with the state of Connecticut know there’s a lot of great programs and a lot of great resources and help for disabled adult disabled children.
So back then, back in the eighties, I don’t know what his options were and that may have been a part of the major issue. And yes, I think that that was a part of the problem.
Well, I’m not quite old enough to give you too much definition of what the eighties were in that world because I was a youth myself during that timeframe, you know, but yeah. As I remember it, the, the 1980s were a different world for sure. Not have the things available that there is now to us. So I’m certain, that was a hard struggle for him as a dad. I can’t imagine being put in that position either. You talked about what I believe you said 10 different foster homes, roughly and nine of them were abusive.
Now as a foster family, we’ve had roughly 20 kids come through our house. I can, I can genuinely see a kid looking at, you know, a couple of specific kids, seeing something as maybe being a beam where it really was just a matter of look, I said, this is the rules here. If you do this, you don’t get that. It’s going to always be, if you know, these are the boundaries, these are clear cut boundaries for kids. Who’ve never had clear cut boundaries. I can see them really seeing that the different light kids who’ve had specific traumas thinking that something was, was leading up to it.
It took me a while to really learn, to look at the kids that are in our home sometimes and understand that when I see a kid who’s struggling around food, that there’s often times a, a problem with a food thing for them, you know, they were perhaps not fed on a regular basis. And so they’re constantly trying to get food. We’ve, we’ve experienced that recently with a young kid. Who’s always wanting an extra, always wanting seconds. I always want in third, I always want in forest. Ooh, hang on. I’m not trying to give you diabetes.
So for them, their perception could really look that way. I can totally understand that, but it sounds to me like, you know, that’s not what you experienced.
No, not at all.
When I hear people talk about problems in the foster care circle, I’d like to think that you know, that we’re looking at more of the perception issues from a kid rather than these horrible stories. But what I’ve heard, the horrible stories, it sounds like you’ve lived some of those stories. How do you think living through that as a young child has affected who you become as a woman today,
t’s blacked me, not a trustworthy, but I don’t trust people at all. I, I have an issue with trust. Like I’m working on it. I am trying to work through some of those issues, you know, but I hear across the I’m just like, well, racks, great. Like my attitude will last. Great. Yeah. That didn’t happen to me. The very negative side of it. And it’s like, if you only knew, like, it just angers me because it’s like, I want to believe that there’s good people out there, but that’s not my, that’s not my story. 00:35:574 That’s not what happens, you know? So it’s just very hard to trust trust in general. 00:36:080 How has that affected your relationships as you’ve, as you’ve grown and gotten older? 00:36:124 Oh, it’s been difficult. I don’t, again, it’s been hard because I want to trust this person, but I don’t know your intent. For example, I’ll use my own sister, my biological sister, cause we don’t really talk and there’s been a lot of conflict in history with us. I don’t, I don’t trust her. And that’s because of things that she said, she’s betrayed my trust, where she’s given information to our foster family that we have contact with still on it’s like, but they made it close to the trainee and to disown me and shun me. 00:36:534 And because I don’t follow their belief and they, you know, she still talk to them and it’s like, no, I don’t want you mentioning my name. I don’t want you telling my info to them because they can know how to reach out to me. You know? So it’s the little things that she does, the little things that people do, you know, don’t because then I’m going to second question who you are. And it’s like, I don’t like being liked. It’s like, I feel that’s an automatic. 00:37:234 I don’t to you. And I pulled them out of my circle. I have my inner circle or how my outer circle, because I just don’t talk to them and I’m like, I don’t have anything. So it’s hard. I would imagine it’s extremely hard to trust somebody. 00:37:534 I would say that it’d be really hard to let somebody into that circle. Pretty crappy upbringing. I know from personal experience how hard it is to let somebody in. 00:38:110 I can imagine that there is a significant amount of trust loss, especially when it comes to men. Has that affected your, your romantic relationships as you’ve gotten older? 00:38:234 Yes, it’s actually interesting. Cause it’s, it’s mainly women that I have a hard time testing. It’s men too, but it’s actually mostly women with men. It’s more, I always just pick the wrong really. It’s always a bad relationship scenario. It’s just, I’m always picking the wrong person. Brian, Mike. Okay. What’s your, what’s your alterior modal? What do you want? 00:38:534 Like that’s my attitude, but with women it’s more or less like I’m always wanting to find that mother figure or I’ve always wanted to have that mother figure in my life. And so I, I go after somebody who I thought would be the perfect mother or would be the perfect mother and they end up being, not that they’re somebody else out, they’re living this kind of a lifestyle. 00:39:234 So I’m always, I just want family. So I tend to go after not good living situations, so to speak. And I’ll give kind of a, I didn’t share this part of my story, but I’ll, I’ll go into a little detail. There was a time back in 2012 where I was being harassed and stalked by a pedophile. And I felt the only way to get the only way to be safe was to move out of state of Maine. So I moved down to Florida. I met this woman on Facebook and she, I met her in a domestic violence support group and she claims, or she still cranes that she’s running a underground domestic violence rescue rescue business too. 00:40:114 Good to be true. Right. Well, sure enough. I get down there. I’m leaving out some details, just take the time. But she was supposed to come get me back in, happened to supposed to be broke down in Maryland, yada yada, yada. I ended up taking a Greyhound bus all the way from Maine to Florida. Then like a two hour ride to Boston by myself from Maine to Florida at the same time. 00:40:494 But anyway, so I get down there. Not knowing if this woman’s going to show up or not with my, I have my stuff. Sure enough. She shows up and I’m not gonna mention her name. Although she should be on there. I’m not gonna mention her name because she also has seven children just in case of any, any of them are listening, name names, and for my safety. So sure enough, we get there. She’s in this beautiful house, beautiful house that she’s got at the time. She had five kids and were there and it was the honeymoon stage and everything was great. 00:41:264 She was helping me out. You gotta, you gotta get out. I had transferred my section eight down to Florida. 00:41:315 Well, sir, a month 00:41:344 Later, everything goes haywire in a hand basket. And she starts curling my phone and he starts blocking me from wifi. She gets physically abusive and she gets, you know, taking my food stamps and we ended up getting, losing the house because it was for closure. So we ended up homeless and she ended up, you had to stay in hotels and sure enough, she started hanging out with prostitutes, not knowing even know what that was. 00:42:094 Didn’t even know what’s going on. So of course I’m just asking questions because I’m curious, I’m like 25, 26 at the time, right? Like not even having a clue only to find out she was hanging out with her. Cause that’s what eventually she started doing so long story short. I ended up moving out of this woman’s house at least three times and moved back in with her four times and the fourth time, the homeless, because I would not prosecute and well, I’m not gonna, you know, I realized that could have gone ended way, way, way worse. 00:42:524 And it could have been more dangerous than it was, but it, it was dangerous. But her leaving me homeless was a blessing in the sky just because that was my way out. But the woman is still running her business out in Arizona now. So yeah. So I, and the reason why I shared that story, cause I know the questions are going to be summer asking probably, well, why did you move back in with her? 00:43:274 Come on, Heather, get it together. I moved because I wanted a family. I wanted a family. So like I wanted that mother figure so bad and wrong for me to keep moving here. Yes. I realized that now that was the wrong choice. That was the wrong decision. I made that wrong move. I should have done my research a little better. And am I saying everybody you meet on Facebook is criminal. No, I’m not saying that they’re bad. 00:43:584 But what I’m saying is I should have done more research. I should have done my research more carefully. I should have been a little more precautious. I should have done a little more research on her, you know, made sure it was legit. I should’ve done my homework so to speak. And I should’ve just, I should’ve just quit when I not had gone back, but I went back and I ended up being homeless. And from there I ended up getting help from another church. 00:44:294 And then from there, I’m fine now, but that’s, that’s my, when I say women are my weaknesses, because I go after that mother figure that I, I so desperately have wanted and needed, which I have that mother figure now. But then I was looking in all the wrong places and I was going to people that had the wrong intent. But that intent, because you were seeking to stand up for yourself and say, no, I’m not gonna do this. 00:45:034 I’m not going to be a prostitute. I was like, I’ll go sleep in a church parking lot before I do that. Like, no, that’s just not so saying no to her. With that, that wasn’t the issue like that. I was like, alright, no goodbye. Like where we’re done, you had a compassionate heart and understand that I’m a single mom. 00:45:374 And I got to do what I gotta do. And she knew my promise. She knew my history and she knew everything that I’ve been through. Like you don’t ask somebody who’s been in foster care. You don’t put somebody in that situation. So saying no to her was, was pretty. That was my breaking point. 00:45:590 You know, you mentioned earlier that you were 25 or 26 years old and you know, didn’t even really know what prostitution was at that point and where a lot of people will hear that. And think that doesn’t make sense by that age. Most people at least heard the word, know what it means. I was raised in a completely different cult. My, my family gets upset when I call it a cult because well, because they’re still part of that. But there, there was no sexual abuse in what I grew up. And it was a very fundamentalist Christian, but we grew up in that world. 00:46:320 You’re very, your mind is shaped in a very specific way. And certain things are just not talked about certain things or just not, not explained. And I can totally understand why at that age, that would be something that you wouldn’t have had any exposure at all to. Yeah. That, that makes a lot of sense. To me. One of the things you talked about a lot through your story, there is that is how DCF was almost complicit in, in your abuse. Why do you think they had such a hard time believing a kid who was telling stories about things that were, that were obviously not stories that kids should be able to make up if they hadn’t seen some horrible things? 00:47:144 You know? I don’t know. I, I don’t, I honestly don’t know. I just know that DCF was called. There was a call that was made. I know my sister had called the police that the police didn’t buy it. The police didn’t it. I don’t know why I don’t still to this day. I probably will never know, but it is now it outrages me because that’s where they flaws. Like the DCF worker gets a call and a child’s been hurt the way that I was like, that is a red flag. 00:47:514 That should be a red flag to DCF worker. Like, Oh, we gotta go get her out. Like, don’t make them stay in a home for three more months. Right. It has to endure that views. I don’t know I’m speculating, but I’m wondering if the elderly parents Colt or the elderly father was like, no, my son wouldn’t do that. Like convinced him, like y’all were fine. But then three months later they called her like, Hey, you know, my wife is dying. Like they can’t live here anymore. 00:48:214 And so finally we were renewed, but no, I, I think eventually he was arrested. He, they call romaine. He was arrested. I don’t know. I don’t know. Cause I’m sure these people are no longer alive, which is for my safety is probably a good thing. So I don’t know. But I, it outrages me when I hear stories of, of DCF workers who, who get calls and do nothing. There was actually just this year in the state of Maine, my home, my home state in February, there were two children and this is all accurate. 00:48:594 Actually. Anybody can Google this, look it up. It’s all over the newspaper. It’s all over the internet. Two children, a girl and a boy, 10 years old and nine years old or 10 and eight, I think their mother beat them to death and they have were in state custody. But then somehow the parents got them back temporarily. And it was in that timeframe that the mother had beaten them to death between 40 to 45 calls were made to PCF. 00:49:324 And they did nothing about it. 40, and this is true. 40, 40 to 45 calls were made and to DCF and DCF just sat there and did nothing. So that’s where my race comes in. Cause it’s like, are you kidding me? Like one call, I get it. But 45 calls and no one in that office could be like, Hey, there’s something that’s going on. Like, let’s go check this out. Like, and obviously they’re in prison now the parents, like, but I believe that DCF workers are being investigated, but come on, like, I can go on a rant right now. 00:50:094 But like I like how many homes I was placed in 10, 00:50:173 10. And you said only one out of the 10 was a decent home. Yup. Yeah. That that’s, that’s terrible. The numbers should not be that way. Nope. You know, I’m so sorry for any child that had to endure that, how did you endure that? How did you keep going as a child? I mean, what made you just keep getting up every day? 00:50:464 My sister and my dad, I like my sister was my main effector when we became probably green two is five. Like we started looking out for each other, taking care of each other. I mean, there was one incident where we had just been brought to me home and the DCF worker, I believe, you know, informed them that I was special needs, which I don’t like using that word. Cause I don’t see myself that way, but I was special needs and they couldn’t handle it. 00:51:244 And so by the end of the day, that night they called and DCF was back at the door. And I remember asking, I remember asking them of my like, why can’t I say like, why can’t, why can’t I say? And she just said, because you’re, you’re different. You’re, you’re basically retarded, like special needs. I can’t handle you. And I remember just the DCF worker, like she thought it was the funniest thing. Like she thought it was funny. I don’t know why that just creeps me out, but I don’t nowhere to go. 00:51:584 And I ended up sleeping on a bench and they were snowing and I was five years old, like sleeping on a bench. Like what DCF workers make the child sleep outside. 00:52:113 I am sorry. I have no other words to say other than, you know, nobody should be treated though. 00:52:204 No child to be treated that way. Thankfully my sister did something about it and was like, listen, like you can’t just leave her outside. Like, you know, she’s a year and a half older than me. She’s about five or six. So she was able to articulate, like we’re leaving her outside. Like she’s gonna freeze. Like she needs a blanket, you know, if you’d be able to communicate something and then sir enough, like they, they took me somewhere. 00:52:504 I don’t know where it was, but yeah, it did. Didn’t really do a lot of caring per se. They, they did more. They really should have done the research on my aunt. That’s where they really should have. They really should have, you know, investigated her more, not to say that she was a criminal or she had a bad history or anything like that, but they really should’ve made her do trauma classes. They really should’ve made her, 00:53:203 You know, I’m sorry, but anybody who lets a child be sexually abused, I’m sorry, they’re criminal 00:53:260 In my eyes. You know, Heather, I said something at the beginning of this conversation that I really want to stick to. And that is that I really, really will, you know, move by the depth of your story. And I know our listeners will be as well. Our main goal is not just to traffic in someone else’s trauma. What I’d like to hear is how you managed to walk through this trauma to the spine. Like this is how a big load of pain. That’s a big load of trauma that most people would not be able to walk through and lead a normal life into their future. 00:54:020 What has brought you to the place you’re at today, where where’s the strength come from? You know, what, what steps have you taken to get yourself through that hard place? Because as I looked through the social media, so as I, as I read things on Reddit and I looked through the Facebook posts and the different pages, I see people who are adults and struggling hard still, what, what can you tell them that you used to help bring yourself through that? 00:54:276 Hmm, that’s a good, good questions. Good statement. So first and foremost, having an outlet, having a positive outlet and I know it may be smallest Griego, but having an outlet. So when I was going through that abuse with my aunts being 13 and working in 1819 and having between being those, not having anybody to talk to me, not having a friend, not being able to talk to anybody on the outside. 00:55:006 So I had a positive outlet. So she really encouraged me with art and creativity. And so I had taken our costs. I was, I wouldn’t even join it. And so that was my knickknack, you know, doing that scrapbooking journaling and so, and music. So those were my outlet going up with where’s Heather, excuse me, her inner room or downstairs in the basement, like not doing her homework. Like I know, you know, she’s, she’s out on the phone, we were working on a scrapbook, you know, I even strapped booked in university of Connecticut was my favorite festival. 00:55:436 I did scrap a slip that, you know, just having that positive outlook. So I think doing watercolor, just the water, like water, call it, fuck it. It only was for me, cause like I fought them. I paid for them, you know, I, you know, it could be drugs for watercolor, you know, it doesn’t have to be, it doesn’t matter. Like it was a form of art. And so that comes up period. I remember just being in my room and just grabbing colored pencils or whatever I could grab, you know, coloring, letting it out music. 00:56:206 I have tons of music. So we weren’t well, so it was a lot of music growing up, even though you would think you were in a character Kurtz, but there is one specific woman who I listened to her name is Darlene Zack. She is the pastor. She’s the lead worship leader for Hillsong out in Australia, a lot for music. So it was actually her music that got me through that pulled me through a lot of the trauma. 00:56:516 And it wasn’t so much we asked for voice is very common practice in the music that I want with the words that she wrote. It was very touching to my heart. So that brought me through and then obviously having that positive outlet of, you know, scaffold painting and drawing and journaling. And so that, that I’m going to preach for that, with that one for a second, because I feel that is so important. I feel like right now here, so many young children to young adults who have outlets, but they’re not competent. 00:57:266 They’re not healthy. They’re out seeing drugs, they’re out drinking or, you know, you’re not, there’s no positive outlet. So it’s really crucial to get that, to get that positive outlet. Even in my twenties, going through the wine and playing basketball for an hour, it was women. It was just looking at the refill reinforces I hadn’t my home town. And so that’s, if anyone listening, like if you’re in that situation, you’re in this situation, I will go, you know, a lot of the high schools and we’ll count in your count. 00:58:076 We’ll offer summer program, we’ll offer winter programs, watercolor classes, or I was tree classes or drawing classes, or even just checking out local wines. D I have a lot to offer for children, for teenagers, with a weather twinning weather course builder summer camp. They offer summer camps. So that was when everything summer pool. Plus my outlet has another big outlet because I got to go out. 00:58:396 I was out, I was making friends. I was talking to people outside of my situation. So again, I can’t, I can’t stress it enough. Having a positive outlet is really how I’m getting through it. Having a positive outlet, having coping skills. Like I had coping skills off the was Ruth for a while. And then they got put on the back burner because the therapist that I had tonight passed away from breast cancer. I met folks in the psych ward at a hospital and she was my in fact, I remember her saying very clearly sitting in her office, crying and feeling, sorry for myself to be honest and bright police out and an hour ago, fine. 00:59:296 She’s like, Nope, I’m all done with me to this. You’re not going to sit in my office anymore and be a victim. We’re going to come up with a plan to get to out to the two on your feet. I don’t play the pity party. I don’t play the party game. We’re all done with that. And that has stuck with me because it’s like, Oh wait, Hey, have it snap out of it. Like, there’s more not saying that my support is less, but there’s all these people and work this way. 00:59:596 And I have a choice. So she basically was saying, you have a choice. You can take it and feel sorry for yourself and go with me or you can actually get out to do something. And so that’s really been my fight this whole time is yes. Yeah. It’s not, I was dealt cracky cards. I’m all with into now. It stopped why it sucks. When I wake up with body fat, I wake up with the stuff that I can’t, that my birth family doesn’t talk to me. 01:00:336 And it’s horrible. Now I’m in Singapore, but I choose to do for me, I’m choosing to live on my own. I’m supposed to be in a group home. I’m renting a room about, on my own living in an apartment like that. Doesn’t happen to Proctor for X’s staples. And so I am putting myself around better people. So I don’t, I’m very careful. I do my homework. I’m good. 01:01:036 Girls do my homework, who I’m around, like who I sat with, like talk to because social media and social media is evicted friends and you’re in there. There are different people. There’s also, and so 2016, I met my now adopted parents love my pastors. There might be correct. They go by spiritual parents and I met them on Facebook and he’s actually, the husbands have retired MMA fighter and she’s a pastor. 01:01:406 So they have their own workout ministries. They do their own hurts. And I served with them for six years now. And she is just everything I wanted in a mall, like completely have wanted them on opposite of my birth. Mom. He’s compassionate. He felt was never farmed. Never physically. She’s never bare respect. She’s very respectful. She doesn’t allow alcohol problems, not the physical visitors, but because it’s very out of the mom that like our daughter, Heather, like she’s, she was in foster care and she was born with this. 01:02:196 You don’t want to have alcohol in the home because that would be a stumbling block for her. And I agree with that. You shouldn’t, if someone has a struggle with alcohol, you shouldn’t be bringing it around somebody, whether it’s because they, they were born with it and three, because of it or whether it was an addiction. So they’re very, I can call her right now. Something’s going on. I’m not in the, to yet. So, and she’s amazing. 01:02:496 Like we spend mother’s day together, birthdays together. I always call and check on me. I’m very, very, not only pastor. So, and it’s hard because I’ve had to separate like when mom and Casper, Mmm. I got go off to live with them for six months. And that, that was very eyeopening. But see, they have a different way of doing things, but she was never very, if I didn’t do something, right. 01:03:246 So come to me one on one and to be like, Hey, look, I can tell him that he call me. If that’s not what I have, do you know, this is what I thought. It’s been hard to be like, Hey, and then not to pass it. So I have to separate when she’s asking you to do something on a, on a business aspect and asked me to pass it on my mother. So it’s hard to separate it sometimes, but so positive outlet in my life, David was like, I got April couch. 01:03:566 That is 30 days ago. So I’ve been reading that that’s been helpful. And then my newest, my newest thing that’s really helping me right now is I have a life coach who is amazing. I met her through Facebook as well. It’s actually think I met her after I moved out of California two years ago, when my birth dad passed away, I had the system for a therapist or somebody and I couldn’t find the right person. And lo and behold, I booked Tennessee and woman pulled up on my Facebook wall showing like her ad and all her paintings and this not my art. 01:04:376 Like I know I didn’t look the fool. I already know who it is. So I checked her out lo and behold, then I kind of take things in brief of, if something shows up on my wall, three times, I take my more heavier interest in it. Like, okay, God, what do you find out me? Like, maybe she could help me. And so I turned off, I did my report site, dr. Instagram, my soccer, Facebook guy read. I listened to her video. Like, like, like she does intuitive painting. 01:05:116 I’ve every heard of that. I’m like, I be painting, but not like that. Like, I don’t even know what the word I’m thinking was basically I’m painting with what my intuition is wanting you to like, want to know. We all have that voice of what, right. What’s wrong. Oh, maybe I shouldn’t go to the gas station and at 10 o’clock at night, you know that little voice. And so teaching yourself how to paint the back boys, you know, I don’t, I could probably show you a whole bunch of papers I did, but range wasting. 01:05:436 Call me to paint you black brooder. I need black words. Why? I don’t know, like paint with this color or paint with orange. I never use the orange in my painting. It’s like, okay, I need a weekly, every Thursday night actually. And we have, you know, a girlfriend where she was like, how? And she asks, how can I support you? I love that. I like how you ask them not what can I do for you before you were being silly things going on in your week? 01:06:156 How can I help you? Whether it’s sometimes we do a meditate. Sometimes she’s like, I don’t want you putting in a meditation. Like let’s work through your grief. Let’s work through your parents. Let’s go paint this out. Let’s get this out to the better reestablishing coping skills that I had had for many years. And I had just because of all the comma and pain of other events, I put them on the back burner. So let’s get those out. What three you’ve done taking care of yourself, self care, self care. 01:06:486 Doesn’t have to be going on a walk, taking one back self care could be lighting a candle, self care, you know, currently dr. Blankets and a stuffed animal that will feel. And if that’s how you feel safe. So it’s just, and then we be journal foster. She has a new journal in the finest and getting into that. And then we do some painting and then come back and said, what’s the takeaway. So I have that before. And so I’m slowly, gradually getting, gaining an inner circle of people that I can cross that I can like call when I’m in a panic. 01:07:236 But the main thing to take the tubing myself first, before I call from Bob, because ultimately at while I’m at work, I can’t call from Bobby. I’m in a room full of kids. I can’t go out and put in office and grab my phone and call somebody. I have to be able to see my friends. So whether that’s robbing my arm or rubbing my hand or, you know, I have to take care of himself. 01:07:507 Awesome. It sounds like you found yourself a really good support group. 01:07:546 Yeah. She’s amazing. 01:07:567 It’s not for some powerful women, you know, and that’s, that’s really great. I know you, you’ve mentioned a few times, you know, that you’re special needs. Can you just tell our listeners what your diagnosis is? Are? 01:08:106 Yeah, so my diet cool. So my diagnosis, I several so fetal alcohol syndrome is the first and foremost. That’s the number one diagnosis. I was born addicted to alcohol. The next diagnosis would actually be all mental, mental health psychosis. So PPMD has obviously been all the one. That’s always something my path. And then the other one that I was actually misdiagnosed with bipolar. 01:08:456 They diagnosed me with bipolar. Cause that’s what my book and like, no, I don’t think I have it like in book therapist at the time, confirm like, no, you don’t have that. And so I went and we got diagnosed and I have borderline personality disorder, which is an attack order. And that actually make work that believe it or not, I could see that, which I do have attachment issue, but that is the proper diagnosis I was on medications. 01:09:216 I was actually on medication for nine years. They hadn’t nine anxiety and depression medication. I see it very, very scary. I actually almost died down. I actually flopped down my abuses quite fearful house in Florida. And that was it. I knew I was like, I’m done. I want all of these medical reasons. Like I caught cold Turkey will go like literally cut cold Turkey, very thankful and blessed that I didn’t have 50 years reactions to them. 01:09:586 I felt like maybe my stomach, but that was it. I didn’t know about that. 01:10:038 And those medications can be really dangerous just, 01:10:066 Yeah. Yeah. I will. I was on Zoloft. That was actually my first one. I was on Welbutrin I was on, on pen. I was on you name it. I was on it. Yeah. It was looking down and back. I did bump away. Like my stomach couldn’t recognize me. And I been off medication since 2013 and I, and I’m wanting to actually, I’m going to share why I went off of that because they know people listening and be like, Hey, that probably wasn’t smart. 01:10:406 Like I’m sure people are wondering, well, how are you coping without medication? I, and I’m not saying medic, I’m not saying go off your medication. That’s not what I’m saying. I wanted off of them. They were no longer healthy. When you get put on nine medications, that’s a red flag. That was a red flag. Okay. Something’s not work. There is no new city put each foot on nine medications. 01:11:096 Like that was the big nut. Now I felt the crime and it was serious because I have a mentor. Who’s been my mentor for 15 years. He actually was like, I told her he was crazy. I was like, Tina, you’re crazy. Like I need this. I was you. I, you couldn’t tell me, like, I couldn’t tell you what I wanted off of them. But at the time I was like, no one tell me different that I didn’t see the office back on everyone. Sure enough. 01:11:396 She was bright. And she talked crazy. I ended up getting off the medication. I went off of them because they weren’t helping. I felt like I wasn’t really dealing with the core issue with the root issue. And it was mapping the pain because in my table, in my belief medication map, just like alcohol, math, the paint, it maps, rugs. It just massive paint. You’re not getting to the root, what’s the root issue. 01:12:136 So yes, it can be helpful and don’t get me wrong. Like if you need to be on a med that is helping. So be it. But if it’s helping and you’re masking the pain, because if you then it’s time to re it’s time to go talk to your psychiatrist. 01:12:329 They’re the main ones who put it this way. He said he was going through a hard patch and he needed medication to helping get over that hump and then able to get back into real life and deal with that. So that was, that was a real good thing for you to be able to get off of that medication. So, I mean, God love you. I mean, you’ve been through, through the ringer and back a couple times, it sounds like, 01:12:556 Yep. But you know, at honey, you’re still standing, you know? Yep. 01:13:039 And that’s what I want people to be able to look at, take away from this conversation. I mean, my gosh, I, I know kids nowadays who have a hard time getting over a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend and their world is falling apart. And I don’t know that that would even register on the scale. When you start looking at the things you’ve struggled to weight do and came up before. Yes. 01:13:286 Yeah. And I, I’m still standing because I choked. I towed to not be the victim of the war. I chose to say, okay, I’m not gonna live that I’m not going to live the life. My, my birth mom, Nate, I’m not going to choose her path. I’m not gonna choose the path that others are tubing for me. I’m not gonna go down that route. I’m not gonna to drink alcohol and a lot of children of alcoholics that either go on the bands and they drank and they become alcohol or they don’t want to be, it don’t want to touch it. 01:14:126 Like I made the choice to, to say, okay, I’m going to live our life. Is it going to be great? No. Is it going to be filed? Yes. Is it going to be better? Like if I struggled one morning, like this, I’d just rather crawl in bed and stay onto the bar and lobby. And not even, not even deal with the fact that I’m waking up with body aches every morning. The fact that I’m waking up at three in the morning every morning, like I would just rather call off of work and not do it and not deal with it. 01:14:456 But at the end of the day, I’m hopeful. Okay. Nobody else is gonna do that. Nobody else is going to do that. I’ve walked an hour to work every day because I don’t drive. I don’t have a car. I don’t have a light. I either Uber or I walk to work. Not a lot of people would see that I walked forward. I get people’s like you walk, Oh my gosh, tell me like, I’ll pick you up. And I said, that’s my point point is it’s my responsibility to get myself work. 01:15:156 It’s my responsibility. Pay my bills to pay, to do the adult thing to do. It’s a lot about accepting or outfits. The fact that it’s my responsibility. It’s my duty to show up, to work on time, my job to get to work. I have a job, my responses. It’s not anybody else’s job. So I’ve made that. I’m hard on myself sometimes. Like I’m choosing, like, it’s just the toy. So for matter cheating, like, are you going to be a victim for whole life? 01:15:456 Or are you going to get up? 01:15:487 Well, that’s the thing you have, you have a lot of strength and it shows, you know, you’re out there and you’re killing it and you’re killing it every day. You know? And I, you know, props to you before we wrap it up here, you know, you’re a very strong woman. And what would you say to the other women out there? The women that have been through the abuse, the sexual abuse, the trauma, you know, what would you tell those women? What would you tell our women that are listening? 01:16:207 Final thoughts? 01:16:236 One I’m very, very sorry. Nobody should ever have to go through that. Whether you’re a woman or a man, nobody could ever have to go through that too. If you’re, if you are struggling. So let me address it this way. So one, if you’re it, you gone out of that situation, but you’re struggling with getting support. Counseling help, please reach out whether it’s, maybe it’s one of us on this pocket muting out or somebody in a turret. 01:17:016 I said to me, we think of somebody that’s supposed to help them find out what your community offer. Maybe a support week out. There’s also a sexual assault call my members. I don’t have that, but you can always look it up. If you have access and it would have to Google it, you can grab people, grab a number you can call. And if you’re in that situation and you’re trying to get out, please reach out for help. 01:17:336 Like go like call nine one one, get out. If you’re scared, like again, you can reach me somewhere. Like you can reach out to me. You can reach out to be a podcast about find a way to read that. Because if you don’t, no, one’s gonna be able to help you. And if you’re looking to work through your pain, but you don’t have an outlet again, a pen and paper start writing. 01:18:076 Maybe it’s maybe it’s healthy, whatever you gotta do to get through that pain and that trauma, if you’re enjoying it right now, start writing, start making poetry. Right? Another thing for me is reading my Bible again. And I know that sounds shocking, considering that I just said that I just got out of a Colt. Like my, my face is still important. Like I go to turn on a gate and I still have that. 01:18:396 I’m in flow. Yeah. On occasion. I’ll pick up my Bible and I’ll read it. So if you’re in it and you think the only way to get rid of the Bible then so yes. You know, churches, there are a lot of other great purchase stuff are helpful. So you’re able to reach the church and stay strong because he will get out of it. You will, somebody will help you. Somebody will, somebody will make a call or somebody can help you get out of it. But, but know that you’re not alone. 01:19:116 That’s the most informal is you’re not alone. You’re not the only one that is going through it or that have some correct. You’re not involved. 01:19:237 Well, thank you so much for all your time tonight, Heather, we really enjoyed hearing your story. You know, it’s very powerful. So thank you so much for sharing, you know, and you are correct. There is somebody out there reach out we’re here, you know, and you can always reach us. We’re always willing to try to help where we can and be a listening ear. But with that being said, I think it’s probably time to say good night. 01:19:496 Yes. Yeah. I know you have to get up for work tomorrow morning. Unfortunately, 01:19:567 Nobody pays our bills either. Unfortunately 01:19:596 I wish you could have a blog. And so we’ll make sure that we keep that in the show notes. So there’ll be some stairs so people can come 01:20:089 And find you and hear your story and we’ll make sure we get the name of the blog on there and the name of the podcast. Because I mean, you have quite a story to tell you, you have a lot of experience to share with people and that’s a valuable resource for anybody who needs that kind of, that kind of support in a struggling time. So thank you so much for your time tonight for your time as well.