All of us have, are, or are going to struggle with fighting boundary issues around the Holidays. It is just inevitable that someone wants you to change your schedule to meet theirs, show up with (or without) kids for their special event at a time that just doesn’t work with the limitations of your calendar.
I remember when Amanda and my first Christmas together. We were expected to find a way to make it to my Mom’s house, my Dad’s house, Amanda’s Mom’s place, and if there was the time her step-dads as well. Oh yeah, and there were Grandparents to appease too.
The whole day was spent unpacking kids, making sure everyone was polite and said “Hi” to everyone, a quick gift exchange, and a reminder not to open any packages because we had to leave soon. Then we hurried off to the next place so we could do it again. It was a mad rush to be certain everyone in the family got the opportunity to experience Christmas the way they wanted to.
The problem became that by the end of the day we were exhausted, and all of our relatives got to feel like they had an opportunity to enjoy the visits of all the kids, but the kids never got to enjoy any of Christmas.
After that year, I was determined to change the way we handled our family Holidays.
The next year I implemented a plan that has lasted for the last 2 decades. We decided that our family deserved to have control of their Holiday and it was my job to ensure that we figured out how to do it. I told everyone that we would be more than willing to stop by and celebrate Christmas with them on any day except Christmas Day. That was reserved for us to celebrate as a nuclear family at our home. Some years we make it by the Grandparent’s place and some years we don’t.
My kids have loved the memories that we have made over the years just spending time together instead of trying to run around like a flock of proverbial headless chickens.
There are a few things that they kids expect every year though. They know that we will get up on Christmas morning and have our own gift exchange in our home. After that, we will spend time talking and playing as a family with no expectations of going anywhere (except to the gas station to buy over-priced batteries that we overlooked buying in the first place).
Then comes breakfast. Breakfast is the same every year – it is a homemade breakfast pizza made from scrambled eggs, sausage gravy made the old fashioned way, and a ton of cheese; all on top of a croissant pizza crust. There will be a lot of pizza made and eaten for breakfast and lunch, and who knows – maybe even dinner too.
If our family and friends want to come out, they are all welcome to show up at any time throughout the day. We will welcome them with love and food.
It is a simple but expected and cherished family tradition. My kids have loved the memories that we have made over the years just spending time together instead of trying to run around like a flock of proverbial headless chickens.
It is a boundary that we learned to draw around our family and our time together.
I learned the power of healthy boundaries a little later in life when I found the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend a few years later. The power of saying no to some things, so that I could say yes to the things that matter has made a huge impact on our life as a family!
If you struggle with clear boundaries, this is a wonderful book. The only warning I will attach to it is to be cautious in loaning out your copy. I have bought it at least three times over the years and I still haven’t gotten one of them back!
Own your Holidays this year and start your own tradition – or stop by and enjoy our with us!
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